The Shadowleaf Series
by Zixes
Summary: Dapplekit, Firestar and Lilypaw are back and alive (sort of) and they are stars of a new show. This show is now about stupid things that have random inspiration in other words Shadowleaf the producer/director. Review to give me some suggestions and gimme those OC's through PM. T just in case.
1. Welcome Shadowleaf at some point

**OC's. I need your OC's. Gimme some of your OC's. So far I'm using real warriors characters and my own OC's, but I want yours too :D**

 **If you want to PM me your OC's, use this form below yolo :D**

 **[Name]: Shadowleaf**

 **[Appearance]: Grey she-cat with black tabby stripes and dark green eyes.**

 **[Personality]:** **Shadowleaf is an unforgiving she-cat. She laces her true menacing feelings with kindness and randomness. Her talents include the power to summon waves of red velvet cupcakes and her weapon of choice is a Makarov, 8 rounds per magazine. Every tom who has tried to hit on her mysteriously ended up in Catzaban (cat prison for losers)**

 **[Importance]: Producer (there are positions of COMPETITORS-OC's/Clan cats that can compete in challenges or just appear somewhere, CALLERS-they take random calls, SUFFERERS-they suffer if they fail. duh, ASSISTANTS-just hang around the studio and prep it, LIGHTING-help Birchkit with the lights, TECHNICIANS-help Leafsky and Bluefoot.)**

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," screamed Firestar as he swung around on the chainy, extremely painful swing. "I HAVE MANGE!"

"We know you have mange, just get off the damn swing, hobo," snapped little Dapplekit, licking her meth ice-cream.

"The show starts in five minutes! Get off!" shouted Lilypaw, pacing around the sandy playground.

She revved the chainsaw and it burst into life.

"Catch," she mewed to Dapplekit.

The pretty kit was on HIGH alert as Lilypaw swung the chainsaw towards her. Unfortunately, her delicious ice-cream was dropped in the process. Although she caught the dangerous thing, her ice-cream dropped in slow motion.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Dapplekit, tossing the chainsaw back at Lilypaw as she dived for her ice-cream.

Lilypaw grabbed the chainsaw just as it was about to cut her in half and squealed like a maniac. "THIS IS HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT OR TWO BUSY FOR FOUR MINUTES AND TWENTY SECONDS."

Dapplekit had failed to pick up her ice-cream. The sand absorbed it and became high. Then she noticed that Lilypaw's chainsaw was hurtling towards her again. She giggled and threw it back.

For the next four minutes and twenty seconds, they threw the chainsaw back and forth while Firestar left some of his pelt on the swing to disgust other kits.

Ferncloud walked past in her high heels, with a dog guarding her 3 remaining kits because she was a fricking terrible parent. They tugged the dog to the swing, attacked Firestar, pushed the womaniser off his swing and put the dog on it. The Doberman whimpered in terror as the kits mewed evilly and activated their self-destruct sequence.

Firestar stupidly jumped onto the dog's head, shouting, "DO IT, KIDS."

Birchkit and Spiderkit tied the dog to the swing. There was no escape. Little Icekit held the powerful button in her white paws. She kept taking her finger away and putting it closer to the button to rouse the dog. Then the blue-eyed Hitler stimulated a fake gas explosion, which made the dog go wild.

Barking crazily at the kits, it broke free of the bonds and charged straight towards their ghost mother, Firestar still attached. Ghost Ferncloud screamed as the dog tumbled through her, then screamed as it ran away, clueless. Firestar jumped off, then was blown sky-high by a landmine.

"I forgot I was a ghost," she said laughing, starlight appearing around her paws.

Then she began to fade. "I forgot living creatures can still kill dead ones, according to the Erins. Shit."

Ferncloud died.

"OUR FIRST MISSION IS COMPLETE!" shrieked the kits. "NOW FOR YOU THREE."

Purring, they began to construct a new remote. Within forty seconds, the deadly-looking silver remote was ready for activation.

They mewed innocently, then yelled furiously as one at Dapplekit, Firestar and Lilypaw.

"You should have been at the show thirty-seven seconds ago!"

The kits' accents changed. Icekit was Australian. Birchkit was Russian. Spiderkit was American. The new accents mucked up their spooky berating and they stopped, awkwardly standing in silence.

"Bleh bleh bleh."

Then Icekit remembered to press the button on her new remote. A huge portal opened up, its sparkling dark purple sucking the swing set into it. The three stars felt themselves being tugged into the portal, where the swing was twirling around, tying its chains around Oakheart, who shouted for Bluestar.

"HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS."

By now, Lilypaw, Dapplekit and Firestar were hanging onto a tree. The three kits were about to explain themselves.

"Everyone needs to travel through Lionblaze's garbage abyss once in their lives, it's fricking awesome. He's probably in there somewhere. We really want to meet the man who crafted all of the garbage abysses. We admire his work so much. Also, there's a garbage abyss leading to the studio, so we were hired to kill our own mother and our four siblings and teleport you to your show. Our father and mother had problems within their marriage. Your producer is waiting for you."

Mewing happily, the kits dug their mini claws into Dapplekit and Firestar. The drug addict kit and her womaniser friend were sucked into the abyss, begging for cocaine cookies. Lilypaw shrieked in alarm, then grabbed her chainsaw and tried to destroy the portal to trap her losers in it forever. Unfortunately, the portal was strengthened by her life force being so close. The pretty she-cat was sucked into the garbage abyss, wailing in shock, her chainsaw still in her paws.

Birchkit, Spiderkit and Icekit used their Dauntless training to fearlessly jump into the portal and go on a floating train that would probably explode if it exited the garbage abyss.

"I HAVE MANGE!" they shouted with their new accents (quoting Firestar); the train chugged towards the hosts.

Firestar and Lilypaw were still screaming to be saved from their young kidnappers. Dapplekit was trying to by another meth ice-cream from a meth ice-cream stand that had mysteriously appeared. Snoop Dogg was selling "speshul" ice-creams for $7. His newest customer was happily giving away her life's savings.

"Yo, I can't spell yo," he said enthusiastically, handing over the ice-cream.

Dapplekit floated away. She observed the floating junk and a hydrogen bomb that should have exploded two years ago. Mewling thankfully, she levitated towards it and patted it.

"Please stimulate Firestar's sexual attraction towards Cinderpaw, Spottedleaf or Sandstorm. Basically any she-cat. Just prove that he's high like me, my beautiful one."

The hydrogen bomb "mysteriously" "whacked" Dapplekit's ice-cream away with a baseball bat and "flounced" off, "shocked" and "annoyed" that Disa kept putting its "actions" in "".

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" it "shouted".

Disa growled somewhere in the world and snapped, "DOT."

Dapplekit snarled insults after the hydrogen bomb, hissing in frustration because her ice-cream was dead. Then she remembered that she was in the garbage abyss's hyperspace and her meth ice-cream could still be eaten. She grabbed it and frantically began licking it.

"I've got to stop this addiction," she mumbled around a mouthful of danger.

Dapplekit sat in silence for a few moments, before the hydrogen bomb "walked" back to her and blew up. Screaming, the pulse of the bomb blew Dapplekit away from her delicious snack. Wailing, she tried to swim around and find her ice-cream, but she was already too far away. Sighing, she gave up on ever getting high again and sat in silence, floating in the purple of nothingness.

A low screeching sound was suddenly heard. Turning in the wrong direction, Dapplekit tried to ignore the choo-choo that was floating towards her at alarming speed.

"GIDDIM! GIDDIM!" screamed the three kits on board, slapping the train.

Lilypaw's chainsaw was tied to the back of the train, trying to return to its master, who had hastily installed a self-destruct button before attaching it to the back of the train.

Now both she and Firestar were sleeping, shot by Silverpaw's tranquiliser gun.

"Cupcakes!" screamed Dapplekit, as they fired at her.

Icekit dragged her fellow kit on board. "READ OR DIE!"

"Never!" spat Dapplekit.

She grabbed a razor and shaved Icekit.

"NOOOO!" screamed the bald kit. "KNOCK HER OUT! I WANT TO SEE BROKEN BONES, SERIOUS BLEEDING, BROKEN TEETH, BRUISED FACES AND SOME OTHER SIXTH THING!"

Birchkit curiously tapped Dapplekit on the head and the she-kit fell into a coma.

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Lilypaw wakes up a few hours earlier, screaming about fish.

Firestar whacks Lilypaw on the head with a garbage can lid and says, "Where are the girls?"

Dapplekit is nowhere to be seen.

Lionblaze crashes through the ceiling, tussling with a Griever, then falls through the floor, shouting "FRISBEES".

Icekit appears out of thin air with Dapplekit. "You are no longer addicted to drugs, alcohol or trash talking."

Dapplekit squeals in delight. "Now I can be addicted to jackets!"

She eats a denim jacket, then is teleported to the stage.

"You were too late for the show, so we had to go back in time with you and make it in time," meows, Birchkit, who is fiddling with the lighting.

"We have 28 seconds," added Spiderkit, who is making coffee with the Meep Machine.

A coffee pops out and meeps at him, then spills hot water all over him.

"CLARK RUBBER!" he screams, running around and burying himself in a pile of doughnuts.

"SEND IN THE FRISBEE TEAM!" shouts a new voice, and a pretty grey tabby she-cat is teleported by the garage abyss into the studio.

Firestar gets his garbage bin lid and whacks the she-cat on the head.

She meeps and throws a towel at Firestar.

"Welcome to your new studio, courtesy of the garbage abyss, courtesy of Lionblaze! There's no escape," the she-cat mews, making herself a cupcake with the Meep Machine.

The cupcake meeps at her and tosses itself at Lilypaw, who is giggling hysterically and powers the cupcake towards Birchkit, who stops trying to light up the studio, catches the cupcake and falls through the hole Lionblaze made.

"OKAY OKAY, CUT!" Shadowleaf screams.

"The show isn't even on yet," squeaks Dapplekit, who is trying to eat another jacket.

Lilypaw, being the only rational kitten in the studio, tries to explain nothing and asks, "Who are you? Are you my mother?"

"I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!" screams the unknown she-cat. "HAND ME MY MAKAROV PISTOL!"

Leafsky enters the establishment with the she-cat's weapon of choice. "Here, Cupcake Lord of BananaClan."

"MY NAME IS SHADOWLEAF AND I'M FROM SHADOWCLAN," screeches Shadowleaf, her dark fur bristling.

She kicks Leafsky down Lionblaze's death trap.

Screams of agony and Lionblaze's kisses can be hear from below.

"Now that that's all over, I can tell you what's going on for reals," meows Shadowleaf, happily petting Lilypaw.

"I HAVE MANGE," snarls Firestar, now whacking himself with his bin lid.

"Yeah… I don't really… care," says Shadowleaf, shooting Firestar with her Makarov.

He yowls happily and heals immediately.

"Wait, what?!" snaps Shadowleaf, repeatedly shooting Firestar.

"Let me try on the womaniser," growls Lilypaw, impatiently snatching the gun and rapidly firing Makarov bullets at the orange tom.

Five seconds later, Firestar is alive, but there are several bullets wasted from Shadowleaf's pistol.

"Damn it!" she curses, throwing her Makarov down Lionblaze's hole. A tree falls into the hole and dies.

"Get me another one!" Shadowleaf shouts as Leafsky crawls out of the hole, Lionblaze hanging onto her tail.

"Will you go out with me?" he asks.

"NO!" Leafsky screeches, and a Mitsubishi falls on Lionblaze. It separates him from his love, and Leafsky gets freedom for 0.07 seconds before Lionblaze melts the car and hugs her.

"MY CAR!" screeches Spiderkit, who had crawled out of the doughnuts and is attempting to make hot chocolate with the Meep Machine.

Birchkit climbs out of the hole and whacks Icekit with a branch. She dies.

"FERNCLOUD AND DUSTPELT ARE THE WORST PARENTS IN THUNDERCLAN, NOW THEY'VE LOST FIVE KITS!" he screams, and follows Icekit to StarClan to kidnap her.

Mousekit's hot chocolate turns into a baseball bat that beats him up and kills him. He follows his siblings temporarily to StarClan. "NOW IT'S ALL SEVEN PLUS HERSELF!"

"CAN I JUST GET TO THE POINT?!" screams Shadowleaf.

"Will you go out with me?" Firestar asks, raising his eyebrows.

One second later, Firestar is kicked into his chair to begin the show.

"Okay guys, the show is about to begin. I'm Shadowleaf, I'm awesome, you're the stars who need to be kidnapped to arrive on time, now get out there!"

Lilypaw and Dapplekit are kicked into their seats, where Firestar is doing the harlem shake.

"She broke my heart," he whispers, sticking his tongue out.

"Sit down!" hisses Lilypaw, ignoring his weird representation of pain.

Dapplekit throws a cookie at Firestar and he settles down, happily sucking the cookie.

The huge 70 inch screen flashes above them, making annoying "ding" sounds.

Bluefoot's face flashes up on screen. "My name is Jeff. Just kidding. It's me, Bluefoot. This is our first episode of the "Shadowleaf Show". This time it also has life lessons, and I'm trying to get Lionblaze off Leafsky."

The tom's face disappeared and instead was replaced with the message "LIONBLAZE + LEAFSKY 4EVA"

Then it flashes up: "SHADOWLEAF IS AN OBNOXIOUS CRAZY SHE-CAT, DIE SCUM!"

Bluefoot's angry screams could be heard from all corners of the studio.

"Hi, Disa's faithful viewers, Lionblaze is trying to seriously hit on Leafsky, we'll be back after the break," mews Dapplekit.

Disa growls angrily somewhere in the world and whacks her head on her computer, furious with Lionblaze for delaying the show.

Dapplekit jumps up from her seat and throws Lionblaze in a chamber filled with kits.

Shouting and agonising fur ripping sounds can be heard from the chamber.

"It won't hold forever, he'll kill all of those innocent kits Disa and Draposs stole, but we've got time to continue our show," the pretty kit mewed, lifting a 5 tonne truck and throwing it at the chamber's door.

Lilypaw stared. "How-"

"LET'S BEGIN NOW, PEOPLE!" screamed Shadowleaf, flipping over her script frantically.

"Hello, our favourite losers, welcome back to the Shadowleaf Show, where we torture cats, raise money for stupid causes, have surprise challenges and ruin the lives of the Clan and OC cats! Today we'll be observing Lionblaze as he attempts to fight the 1,000,000 kittens stuffed into the chamber he is terrified by," yowls Firestar.

"FIRESTAR HITS ON GIRLS" flashes up on the screen.

"EXACTLY!" shouts the orange tom, nodding enthusiastically.

"Let's get to Lionblaze's chamber, but first we'll show you our full studio, including all of the current staff."

Leafsky switches Camera 1, which is focusing on Dapplekit, Lilypaw and Firestar, to Camera 14, which views Shadowleaf, crying in a corner.

She notices the camera's lense and grins evilly. Then the studio goes black for a few seconds.

The light comes back on, due to Birchkit's return to the studio. He slowly turns around and is relieved to find that a snake is about to kill him. He grins and stuffs the snake into Mousekit's still boiling hot chocolate.

The snake dies.

Leafsky hastily locks the door to the main controls room, where she and Bluefoot are hugging and crying.

"WHERE DID SHADOWLEAF GO?! SHE'S GOING TO KILL US!" they scream.

In fact, Shadowleaf is right outside the door with red velvet cupcakes.

"COME AND GET YOUR CUPCAKES!" she screams hysterically.

"Whoo! It's just cupcakes." Leafsky is breathing heavily.

Bluefoot stops hugging his pale green friend and opens the door.

Shadowleaf throws cupcakes at their faces. "AHAHA! REVENGE! NOW GET BACK TO WORK."

She closes the door and bolts.

Leafsky eats the cupcake on her face and uses Camera 9 to look at Lionblaze's current problems in the kitten chamber.

"FINALLY!" growls Lilypaw, zooming in.

Dapplekit squeals in delight when she sees the dead bodies of 500,000 kits tied up with rope and sparkly purple duct tape, rolling around.

"That's sick!" says no one.

Lionblaze is still fighting another 500,00 kits, panting slightly with effort.

"I LOVE YOU, LEAFSKY!" he yells, lassoing 15 kits. "That was for you."

":L" appears on the screen in the main part of the studio.

Everyone has the ":L" face.

"Um. Well… He's been stalled," grumbles Firestar.

"This is a boring topic, watching Lionblaze tying up 1,000,000 kits. You know he can't be defeated, even if he does get injured," mews Lilypaw.

Dapplekit throws a boomerang at Firestar.

"THIS WAS NOT IN THE SCRIPT AT ALL!" screams Shadowleaf; unaware the cameras were still rolling, she leaps onto the stage.

Shrews begin to fall from the roof.

"MY SECRET STASH!" wails Shadowleaf

Cody appears for no reason and stuffs her in a box full of cake.

The murder of a sponge cake is witnessed through a hole in the box.

Lilypaw's eye twitches.

Dapplekit uses a terror-taser to terrorise the technicians.

"YOU TRAITOR!" Firestar suddenly shouts at Dapplekit, from the steel bar on which he is watching Leafsky and Bluefoot's torture. "THIS ISN'T A COOKIE! THIS IS A COOKIE! LIAR!"

Then everyone on stage gets a Makarov pistol and start shooting at each other.

The screen flashes up: "CUPCAKE LORD, NO MORE MAKAROVS!"

Birchkit stares at the commotion. "Is this real, Mummy?"

Ferncloud purrs. "This is the real world, my child."

She sits on Birchkit, then dies again. "Oh I forgot Birchkit was a knife."

 **And that's it! Sorry for the random ending. I began to run out of ideas. It's very long. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the new show.**


	2. Episode 2A-Yee Competition, Snowcrystal!

**Snowcrystal of ThunderClan, welcome to the Shadowleaf series, you will appear this chapter!**

 **Guys, I really need more OC's, so please use the form on the first chapter so your cats can be random and unleash full stupidity on the Shadowleaf series. MAGNUM BLUE STEEL FARRARI LATIGRA THEY'RE ALL THE SAME FACE DOESN'T ANYONE SEE THAT?! Tysm.**

 **Let's begin!**

"Yawn," meowed Firestar, patting Dapplekit on her head.

Lilypaw had practically fallen asleep in her chair. Shadowleaf had tied the two older cats to fancy pieces of furniture and had been berating them for half an hour due to the failure of the first episode of the Shadowleaf Series.

"YOU RUINED MY FABU MASTERPIECE!" they grey tabby screamed at them for the 83rd time. "IF YOU MUCK UP ANOTHER EPISODE, YOU THREE, I SWEAR I WILL UNLEASH THE POWER OF THE CUPCAKES UPON YOU. YOU RUINED MY FABU MASTERPIECE!"

The 84th time.

"That's terrifying," mewed Dapplekit without gusto, who was sitting on Firestar's head, enjoying the pats.

Shadowleaf closed her eyes for a moment and spoke normally. "If this show fails, I will ask Dapplekit to torture you. Even if she is no longer a drug addict or an alcoholic, she is still crazy and will not hesitate to bring out the worst in you. She's on my side. Isn't that right, Dapplekit?"

Dapplekit ignored the producer and leapt down from Firestar's head. She found a fish flopping on the ground and decided to torture it.

"I'll take that as a yes, then. Destroy that fish," mumbled Shadowleaf, slowly turning away from the kit.

"Don't even ask," growled Lilypaw, closing her eyes so she couldn't see the fish's torture.

"I wasn't going to. Now, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH DAPPLEKIT?!" screeched Shadowleaf, crouching in front of the apprentice.

"Honestly, am I now the only sane one in the studio?" snapped Lilypaw, kicking Shadowleaf in the face.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you three something important. We'll be having a visit from a guest at some random point during episode 2. Hopefully, this cat will be as insane as you and as sane as I am."

"Can I go home now?" squeaked Dapplekit, a dead fish lying at her paws.

"Use the Meep Machine to make a rubber chicken," ordered Shadowleaf, who then proceeded to scream at Leafsky, who was being attacked by Lionblaze.

"GET HIM OFF ME!" Leafsky yowled, the beige carpet ripped up beneath her paws.

Lionblaze was begging to kiss her. "Leafsky," he whispered. "I know I did you wrong, but… Love me."

"THAT'S JUST A RANDOM OWL MEME OFF THE INTERNET," wailed Leafsky, but her eyes had changed from hostile to curious.

"Call in Ferncloud's kits!" sighed Shadowleaf. "They'll get Leafsky alone with Lionblaze."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Leafsky, holding the idiot tom closer. "Please no!"

"Ahhh no…." Leafsky mewed, kissing Lionblaze willingly. "Get him away."

The pale green and brown chlorine-infested she-cat purred, rubbing her nose against Lionblaze's.

"It took 21 seconds for Leafsky to fall for Lionblaze. What does that tell you, folks?" sobbed Bluefoot, who had started Episode 2 of the Shadowleaf series without the producer's permission. A picture of Leafsky, smiling up at Bluefoot, flashed up on the screen. The screen produced the caption "Love at first sight, that, like, wasn't love at first sight". A scream was heard from the glass room above the stage as Bluefoot tried to get control of the traitorous TV.

"A REBELLION IN MY STUDIO?! IT'S PERFECT!" shrieked Shadowleaf, shooting Birchkit, who had appeared first and was trying to build a 5-star hotel for Leafsky and Lionblaze.

"I forgot Shadowleaf had a Makarov pistol," he laughed, and died.

A wave of Spiderkits and Icekits overwhelmed Shadowleaf a few moments later.

"HOW MANY MINDLESS CLONES DO YOU HAVE?" the pretty ShadowClan cat shouted over the tide of kithood terror, which, 5 seconds later were all lying dead on the studio floor with their leaders making paint-flavoured tea at the Meep Machine.

"You shouldn't've exposed them to the Meep Machine," Lilypaw said matter-of-factly, clawing at her rope bonds.

"Unbelievable business, chap," scoffed Spiderkit, drinking his bitter, globby tea.

Shadowleaf giggled and pushed everyone onto the stage. She pushed Bluefoot, even though he was in the studio. Lilypaw and Firestar were crushed by their chairs as Shadowleaf kicked them onto the flashing stage. Icekit and Spiderkit made a new Birchkit-"RISE, YOU HAVE BEEN DUBBED SIR BIRCHKIT," mewed the white she-cat-and transferred themselves to the garbage abyss.

"Thank God, I'm getting sick of those unbeatable kits. I can't believe they'd eat paint!" Shadowleaf made a paint cupcake. "Scrumptious."

Lilypaw untied the rope that bound her to the black leather chair and ditched Firestar. "I know that in the movies you would free your allies but this is real life, so I'm going to leave you tied to that chair."

She cackled and leapt behind a huge light decoration.

Firestar wailed, and, even though he had been tied up with his paws free and had been patting Dapplekit, gave up trying to get loose. Shadowleaf shot Firestar with her Makarov as shrews rained from the ceiling. Firestar survived and Shadowleaf screamed, "NOT AGAIN!" as her secret stash was compromised.

"FRISBEE TEAM, DEPLOY AND RETRIEVE THE SHREWS!" the tabby shrieked to an empty cardboard box with _Frisbee Team_ written on it.

"Shadowleaf, we don't have a Frisbee Team. We're waiting for Disa to recruit OCs for the Frisbee Team," Bluefoot mewed. "I even made an advertisement with words and footage, some of it unseen, from Disa's other stories. I hope our…"

Bluefoot checked Disa's FanFiction account.

"One follower, Snowcrystal of ThunderClan, is watching!"

"Oh, Snowcrystal isn't watching… Mua… Hua… HUAHUAHUA!" screamed Shadowleaf.

"She's in that cage over there," meeped Dapplekit.

"Sup, Snowcrystal! You're our first competitor. But watch this advertisement."

Snowcrystal nodded, her fur unkempt. "Can I please leave?"

"But we haven't started the competition yet," giggled the producer, nodding to Bluefoot.

The advertisement flashed up on the screen.

 **Hollyleaf walks into the BrambleSquirrel backyard, screaming "BRAMBLECLAW IS TAYLOR LAUTNER!"**

 **Midnight the badger gives out salt-shakers.**

 **Gorsepaw kills Ashpaw.**

 **Birchstep blogs her newest detective's findings to Birchsteps fantasy world in a British accent, even though she was only typing. "I discovered today that the murderer is ********. This merciless killer sees the need to kill for personal gain** **and my brother** **so I must remain vigilant as a young detective and present my proof to the leader of RockClan before this killer chooses and executes its next victim. Also, if you want a rock fountain, contact Emberclaw on SCAM 0011."**

 **Silverpaw is on her phone, sending a file to Bluestar. Bluestar opens it a heartbeat later and dies when the words "YOU GOT RICK ROLLED" flash up on her Ipad. "CURSES, THAT SILVERPAW GOT ME AGAIN!" screams the ThunderClan leader, patting Firepaw on the head. "Go and get the bazooka, son. I've got a bone to pick with RiverClan."**

 **Sedge and Nova fall off a cliff and are speared by spikes of rock. A director yells "CUT" and clones of Sedge and Nova are introduced to the scene.**

"How in StarClan's name was that an advertisement? It was just scenes from Disa's previous FanFictions that were turned into movies."

"No. No they weren't. This was my year 12 high school art project. I got the top grade for my Film and Media subject."

"Shadowleaf, how old are you?" asks Snowcrystal.

"I have no idea, but I think I'm 52."

"ANYWAYYYY," screams Firestar. "WE HAVE A COMPETITION TO INITIATE. RELEASE SNOWCRYSTAL!"

Snowcrystal tumbles out of her cage. "If you want me to compete, why did you drug me with mild moose tranquilisers a few hours earlier? I feel like crap."

"It's just the way these competitions work," mews Lilypaw sympathetically.

"BEGIN!" hisses Shadowleaf. "Or the only place you'll be comforting competitors is the GARBAGE ABYSS. With my red velvet cupcakes, by the way."

"That doesn't sound so bad," scoffs Snowcrystal. "It's not so easy to threaten these cats with ideas like that."

Shadowleaf ignores the competitor and turns back to her script, repeatedly whispering "Shit" for no reason.

"Shadowleaf, our microphones are very sensitive. I can hear you," Bluefoot announces through the speaker system.

":D" flashes up on the giant TV screen.

"WHO REALLY CONTROLS THIS THING?!" screams Bluefoot, fighting to regain control.

"SOOOOOOOOOO," yells Firestar. "WHO WANTS TO COMPETE IN OUR YEE TOURNAMENT?! NOTE THAT PRESENTERS CANNOT COMPETE LOLOL."

"It's called the AYY Tournament, Firestar, "grumbles Shadowleaf. "I can't believe his name is better than mine."

"Um. I'll compe-" begins Leafsky, emerging from her hotel room with Lionblaze.

"PERFECT. LEAFSKY IS COMPETING. GET RID OF YOUR SEX GOD AND COME OVER HERE."

Bluefoot, sobbing over his lost love, shines a light onto Leafsky, who awkwardly walks onto the stage to stand beside Snowcrystal.

"Anyone else?" meeps Dapplekit, poking the eyes of a live fish out with a needle.

"I will," grunts Lionblaze. "For my bae."

No light shines on Lionblaze's noble golden pelt. Instead, Bluefoot exits the 'control-room-that-is-controlled-by-a-mysterious-force-other-than-Bluefoot', tumbles down the stairs and stand beside Lionblaze.

"I'll compete. I've left Icekit and Birchkit in charge. Icekit knows a bit about technology from our last episode."

In the studio, Icekit grins evilly and plays back all her kithood videos.

 **Icekit builds a remote and a portal to teleport Dapplekit, Lilypaw and Firestar to the studio.**

 **Icekit is operating a train to pick up the drug-addicted Dapplekit.**

 **Icekit holds a kindergarten degree for building the Meep Machine.**

 **Icekit has a contract with the company that built Shadowleaf's studio.**

 **Icekit is the company that built the studio.**

 **Icekit creates Dustpeltfaces.**

 **Icekit helps EAU Ferncloud set up a security system.**

 **Icekit builds a chocolate castle.**

"In other words," mewed Bluefoot. "Icekit is an evil genius."

"No one cares that Icekit could easily take over the show or the world," hissed Shadowleaf. "Continue the episode."

 **"** I volunteer as tribute," meows Cody, suddenly appearing and raising three toes.

"Not you again. I wanted Flamepaw," admitted Lilypaw. "I was going to kill him, but he and Cinderpaw started an academy for creative assassins. And we need a final competitor."

Cody disappears and so does Shadowleaf, screaming at an unseen force. Shadowleaf then appears on the stage beside the Tigerstar-look-alike and sits there, muttering about cupcakes.

"AND WE HAVE OUR FINAL COMPETITOR. I FEEL COMPELLED TO SHOUT EVERYTHING TODAY!" yowls Firestar.

"Okay. We'll have two teams of 3. I will share the rules with you in a minute. Get into groups now."

Leafsky immediately pulls Lionblaze closer in the back seat of her rover that she can't afford like that tattoo on her shoulder because she is cheap. She smiles at Bluefoot and he walks over uncertainly.

"We have a sympathiser, strength and brains team!" meows Dapplekit.

"LIAR", "SEX GOD" and "LOSER" flashes up on the screen. Icekit squeals with delight and adds "TEAM 74."

Someone screams in agony. "I HATE 74!"

Cody, Shadowleaf and Snowcrystal angrily joined together.

"BOX", "GUN LADY" and "NAMELESS COMPETITOR THAT ACTUALLY HAS A NAME" appears on the screen.

"Thanks, Icekit. I hope these names will affect all of our competitors psychologically for the duration of their lives." Shadowleaf nods approvingly as "TEAM EPIC BOSSES" appears on the screen.

"I'm a very happy cat today," meows Shadowleaf. "I could almost throw away this Makarov to find another thing that makes me happy. But I'm not going to."

"LET THE COMPETITION BEGIN!" screams Firestar, stroking his chair.

"What qualities do you two have that will help us win the Yee Competition?" Snowcrystal asks, trembling.

"I can teleport myself, other people, boxes and cakes. I'm your go-to celebration cat. Or hitman," mews Cody.

"I AM THE YEE COMPETITION! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yowls Shadowleaf.

"In other words, you can cheat and not get caught," finishes Snowcrystal.

"Oh… Yes… guess… That's it…" mumbles Shadowleaf.

"Okay! Team bonding time is now over! Time to tell you the rules and the basics of the game!" squeals Lilypaw, winking to the TV.

In the control room, Birchkit falls over a wire.

"I forgot I could die from many things," he laughs, and dies.

"Get it started, Spiderkit," mews Icekit. "while I clone Birchkit again."

Back in the studio, the rules have flashed up on the screen in big flashing letters that anyone could read, but Firestar shouts them out anyway.

"THE YEE COMP-" he begins, but Lilypaw opens a trapdoor and he falls into the garbage abyss.

"The Yee Competition is a sports competition between the guest's team and the home team. It's a combo of soccer, dodgeball and baseball. There are two teams of at least two players. If there are three or more players on each team, there will be reserves. Since we only have three per team, there are no reserves and we will ask the audience to help us out with one part!

"The game has a soccer ball, balloons filled with various substances and extreme skill. One team member must be a goalie. They have to be unstoppable!"

Lionblaze looks over at Leafsky, who nods. Bluefoot mews, "Why are we nodding?" and nods to feel included.

"In this context, Snowcrystal cannot be a goalie. Pick your goalie, Team Epic Bosses."

Cody puts Shadowleaf in a box and teleported her forward by less than a metre.

"Good choice," Snowcrystal says approvingly.

"Okay, we've got our goalies!" shrieks Lilypaw. "Your main objective is to block the ball. And a word of caution to our fielders AND our bombers. No bombs can touch the goalie. No one can enter the goal area. Any of these offenses are punishable by extreme bombing and betrayal!"

"W-W-Wait," stutters Snowcrystal. "What are bombs and bombers?"

"Ah! Bombers are members of the team or audience who get balloons filled with stuff like shaving cream, slime, glitter, all that jazz. They need to have good aim to take out the fielders. And fielders, you just get the ball to the goal guarded by the goalie of the opposite team. Sound simple?"

Snowcrystal nodded, eyes wide. "I didn't know we'd be doing this. There's protective gear, right?"

"If you count the audience having crappy aim and dodging, you definitely have protective gear."

Snowcrystal's eyes opened even wider. She whispers, "Oh shit!"

"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" screams Firestar, emerging from his prison.


	3. Episode 2B-E, Sparkstorm-LONG CHAPTER!

**DISCLAIMER*: I don't own some of the stuff in this story, see if you can guess what I do own.**

 **Appearances: Snowcrystal, yet again you will appear in this chapter. Emojiswagger123, you'll probably be a bomber for this chapter and will gain more status as I do this FanFiction. Random (reviewer), I wanted to leave Sparkstorm as a fun troll and cinnamon bun-lover, and I did. But I want to also make her a total badass caller. For Part 2B of the Yee Competition, Sparkstorm will be a bomber, but will revert back to her caller ways.**

 **I'd like other OCs from other user as well, so feel free to use the form in the first chapter and PM your entries. But if you don't have a FanFiction account, just review. And please give me advice or positive feedback. Thanks for supporting my next big project that I'll actually try to dedicate to.**

 **Begin!**

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" screams Shadowleaf. "I AIN'T DOING NO HUNGER GAMES!"

Firestar shoves Team Epic Bosses into the high-tech elevator, Shadowleaf screaming hysterically. Snowcrystal attempts to calm Shadowleaf down by speaking soothingly and rationally.

"Shadowleaf, it's just the Yee Competition. The most dangerous thing is getting hit by a balloon or going near the goalie."

"Yes, Shadowleaf. And you're the goalie," nods Lilypaw. "You created this game, so you should know that the goalie has immunity. You've got nothing to worry about, Unlike Box and Nameless here."

"Um, it's Snowcrys-"

"CADET CRYSTAL, YOU SOUND LIKE A MAJESTIC FRICKING TACO. CRACKLE WITH ME," screams Dapplekit.

"YOUR TEMPORARY IN-GAME NAME WILL CHANGE FROM NAMELESS TO CADET CRYSTAL, CADET CRYSTAL!" screams Firestar.

"WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU INTRODUCE DAPPLEKIT TO ATTACK ON TITAN?!" screams Lilypaw.

"AM I ALLOWED TO SCREAM AS WELL?!" screams Shadowleaf.

"YOU'RE THE PRODUCER, YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT!" screams Cody.

"THEN WHY AM I HERE?!" screams Shadowleaf.

The Tigerstar-look-alike stuffs Shadowleaf into a box despite being stuffed in an elevator only meant for one person so more space could be used up.

"Cadet Crystal, you look uh… a little squished in that capsule," meows Firestar. "I think it's time to send up Team 74 and Team Epic Bosses into the arena."

"Please hurry," squeaks Snowcrystal.

"Aye aye. Cadet Crystal speaks words of wisdom. My box can't hold for much longer. Shadowleaf will realise she lacks her Makarov sooner or later."

"Obey the Box," mutters Snowcrystal, as Shadowleaf screams for her pistol.

"Aye aye, Cody. You will leave your current names behind as you battle, but you will always be remembered for your bravery."

Firestar then screamed, "CHANGE NAMELESS'S NAME TO CADET CRYSTAL," at Icekit before mouthing "I LOVE YOU" to Cody and making an obscene paw gesture at 'Cadet Crystal'.

Dapplekit pressed a white button; Team 74 and Team Epic Bosses were propelled upwards to the field.

Lilypaw raced to the intercom, speaking calmly and giving instructions to the cats on the Yee Field. A small audience that cheered loudly sat on each length of the field.

"Box, release Gun Lady from her prison. I want Gun Lady and Liar to get to their goal areas. Gun Lady, you go to the goal area with a mysterious cloak. Liar, I want you to go to the goal area with nothing special, you blind she-cat."

Gun Lady and Liar sprint to their designated goal areas, dodging barriers and traps that the teams weren't notified of, with Gun Lady squirming into her Hogwarts cloak. Liar looked across the field longingly.

Lilypaw continues her organisation of the Yee Competition. "Okay. Sex God, Loser, I want you to be positioned behind two barriers in front of and to either the left or right of Liar's goal area. Box and Cadet Crystal, you do the same, but get to the barriers closer to Gun Lady's goal area."

All remaining cats hopped off the elevator's podium and ended up behind barriers.

"Ohh, this is terrifying," whimpered Cadet Crystal, crouched behind her barrier.

"I feel you, seventh cousin twice removed," agreed Box.

Back in the studio, Lilypaw made a random insert into the game's intermission. "Kids, I have one final announcement! As of now, you are in terrible danger. Once I introduce each player and their specialties, I will tell you something you don't wanna hear."

"ARE YOU READAYYYY?!" screamed Firestar, and the crowd screamed back at him.

"PLASMA TV, FLASH UP A PICTURE OF EACH PLAYER AS I SAY THEIR CODENAMES!" Lilypaw shouted at the studio's untrustworthy TV rather than Icekit.

Lilypaw began her long speech that no one wanted to listen to/read.

"FROM TEAM EPIC BOSSES, WE HAVE BOX!"

A picture of Box flashed up and everyone screeched in terror.

"NO, IT'S NOT TIGERSTAR'S ALIAS," yowled Lilypaw. "Box is a skilled warrior with sneaky manipulative skills. He can teleport himself and any object anywhere. He's a valued teammate that Team 74 could have picked, but Team 74 still have a great player to help them win. Cue Sex God!"

Sex God's picture flashed up on the screen and many sighs were heard from the audience.

"I'm taken. Sorry," muttered Sex God, rolling his eyes at Liar whom he would probably cheat on at some point.

"Sex God was born into a Prophecy. His powers that came with being part of it were invincibility. He can't really be taken down. His brute strength is terrifying! THESE ARE THE RIGHT WINGS OF EACH TEAM, MAKE THEM FEEL WELCOME!"

Pandemonium erupted on the Yee Field as the fans went wild. Lilypaw smiled and spoke into the intercom. "SHUT UP, YOU WORTHLESS SCUMBAGS! I'M TRYING TO INTRODUCE THE GOALIES NOW! CUE GUN LADY!"

A cute image of Gun Lady eating a red velvet cupcake flashed up.

"Now, Gun Lady may look sweet like those cupcakes, but her soul is like the name, except you take out 'velvet' and 'cupcake' and replace them with 'bloodthirsty soul'. She is skilled even without her prized gun, the Makarov. Her determination to prove herself. Just herself. Not trying to help her team. She's selfish. THE CREATOR OF THE YEE COMPETITION IS HERE AS TEAM EPIC BOSSES' GOALIE TODAY!"

Whistles were shot at Gun Lady, who grinned and swished around in her cloak. "The Keeper's position is MINE," she growled, ready to concentrate.

"Next we have Liar, who's a wuss and rejected the perfect guy. So there's nothing really special about her. Move on."

"Hey, you didn't even flash up my picture!" wailed Liar.

The Plasma TV flashed up a picture of Liar and Loser, and the crowd booed Liar.

"He's perfect for you!"

"Get rid of Sex God!"

"I hate 74!"

"That's somewhat relevant to the topic!"

Liar's face glowed through her green-tinged fur and she slunk into her goal, crouching into a stance.

"CHEER FOR THE GOALIES GUN LADY-"

Immense screaming pounded into everyone's ears.

"AND LIAR!"

Silence.

"And a quick note, we'll be playing music from the 2000's to block out your screams partially when the game starts. Now onto the left wings of each team!"

"For Team Epic Bosses' left wing, we have a competitor in our TV series, the Shadowleaf Series. She's been forced to give up her name temporarily. We don't know much about her except that she's positive and enthusiastic and always has a good outlook on every damn thing. But I guess her sparkly pelt could blind you. I give you our forgiving left wing, Cadet Crystal!"

A picture of Icekit popped up, quickly replaced by Cadet Crystal hugging Icekit. Screeches, even louder than what had been heard for Gun Lady, erupted.

"She'll be fair."

"A clean game. Boring on her part but unique."

"I bet Cadet Crystal will never give in!"

"Like a boss, Cadet Crystal!"

"I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN CADET CRYSTAL OH MY GOSH!"

"Can I have your autograph?!"

Cadet Crystal's pretty eyes glinted. "Thank you guys! I can't wait for the game to start and I hope you enjoy it!"

"I LOVE YOU, CADET CRYSTAL," Icekit mewed. "You're the only one who ever understood me though we really didn't talk and I don't know why that picture is up there!"

"It's not like Dapplekit told Cadet Crystal to say that because her family is being used as leverage against Cadet Crystal. We'll just move onto our final competitor in the Yee Competition today! LOSER!"

A picture of Loser beating his only kit with a ping pong bat appeared. The crowd cheered even though it was clear evidence of child abuse that wasn't actually child abuse because the kit had tried to get her father fired. And the kit was Dapplekit.

"I LOVE YOU, DAD!" screamed Dapplekit from the studio.

Several 'ohs', 'whats' 'whyisthismancatignoringhisonlychildwhosthemother' rippled through the crowd.

Loser shouted, "ICEKIT! WHY'D YOU TELL THEM?! LIAR WILL NEVER WANT ME BECAUSE I HAVE A CHILD!"

Lilypaw, Firestar, Gun Lady, Liar, Sex God, Box, Cadet Crystal, Birchkit, Spiderkit, and many others had their mouths open in shock. Dapplekit happily bit into a leather jacket. Loser stood in silence, shuffling his paws.

But the crowd still went wild.

"A dark secret about a competitor!"

"Wow, this just got deep."

"Secrets revealed."

"Yolo."

"He beat his kid good."

"Dapplekit's still insane, though."

Lilypaw had recovered from Obnoxiously Obvious Gaping Disease and was trying to make everything flow.

"Well, Loser is good at disciplining his only child, is a nerdy strategist who plays Minecraft and ping pong; he even has a Twoleg job, which most of us lack. He's an accountant."

"Stop telling my secrets!" protested Loser. "Why tell them so much about my personal life? My attributes are good enough."

"But seriously, Dapplekit's your daughter?!" shrieked Lilypaw. "I've been playing with the spawn of Bluefoo-I mean, Loser for moons now."

"BEGIN THE BOMBER INTRODUCTION!" screamed Dapplekit.

"Well, now that secrets are shared and our in-field players have been introduced, it's time to present the bombers, volunteers who'll be part of certain teams and don't matter as much. We only managed to find two cats willing to be bombers. The volunteer for Team Epic Bosses is an insane-scientist sort of cat with incredible skills at hacking, but she's agreed to somehow hack real life and bomb Team 74. Presenting the beautiful and powerful… EMOJISWAGGER123!"

"You can call me E… or I'll KILL you!" laughed E, stepping up to one of the batter's boxes on one side of the Yee Field that really had no purpose. She studied the bombs and smiled.

E's smile was something that you would see in a horror movie right before you were brutally killed.

"Next up, we have one of our former callers. She's been here for a while but we haven't bothered to mention her because Dapplekit found her five minutes ago in the garbage abyss after discarding her a few years ago. I give you Sparkstorm, lover of trolling and cinnamon buns. Mess with her and it could be the end."

Sparkstorm stepped up to the other batter's boxes where several balloons were filled with mystery substances. Her eyes burned with a mischievous flame. "You won't escape my Curse."

"KAWAII!"

"SHE'D BE PERFECT FOR SEX GOD JUST BECAUSE THEY LOOK ALIKE!"

"BEAUTIFUL!"

"CAN I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH, SPARKSTORM?!"

Sparkstorm flicked her tail at the young tom near the front who had heart eyes after seeing ol' Sparky. "Only if you taste a cinnamon bun of mine."

"I'LL TASTE AS MANY AS YOU WANT!" he screamed.

"No poison slash arsenic will be associated with the buns like it usually is," squealed Sparkstorm; a cinnamon bun materialised out of thin air and the golden she-cat tossed it.

"Wow! She can make stuff without the Meep Machine! Even Shadowleaf has to use it for her Makarov and her cupcakes."

"Fancy this," Sparkstorm meowed as she stepped into her little square on the ground.

The pretty she-cat suddenly smiled.

"Was that a troll face…?" asked Lilypaw, confused.

"What else could it have been?" Sparkstorm growled. "Get ready 'cause I'm gonna TOTALLY pulverize E and Team Epic Bosses. Go Team Cinnamon Bun- no no no no no… Team 74… darn it…"

"Teams, I'll begin the countdown! Get ready to bolt for the ball, which will be whacked in by the referee with a baseball bat," commanded Lilypaw. "You'd better be quick."

On the half of Team Epic Bosses, Cadet Crystal whispered, "Now that Lionblaz-"

"CADET CRYSTAL, YOU HAVE TO USE THE CODENAMES! SAME FOR EVERYONE ELSE!" screamed Leafsky. "Starting at 13!"

"13."

"12."

"Okay," muttered Cadet Crystal. "Box, unless Sex God is stupid, he'll guard Liar's goal area. You should try passing the ball to me when you teleport so Sex God is distracted and thinks I'm the idiot. I'll hold him off and you'll teleport to our location, take the ball and get back to the goal when Sex God is too far to fall back in time. And with Loser-"

"1. BATTER UP, MR ROWANCLAW!"

"Just accidentally knock him to the ground or trick him with teleportation," Cadet Crystal rushed.

"GO, GO, GO! GET TO 74'S HALF, CADET CRYSTAL!" shouted Box, actually taking something seriously for once.

Cadet Crystal's Harry Potter and cake-loving teammate disappeared and reappeared in the path of the soccer ball Rowanclaw had hit in.

"I HAVE THE PROPHECY!" Box screamed.

Back in the studio, Lilypaw kept her promise of playing music from the 2000s. "When I Grow Up" by the Pussycat Dolls was played over the high-tech system by Dapplekit while she ate another jacket and cheered on her father.

 _Be careful what you wish for_

 _'_ _Cause you just might get it_

 _You just might get it_

 _You just might get it_

 _Be careful what you wish for_

 _'_ _Cause you just might get it_

 _You just might get it_

 _You just might get it_

Box kicked the ball towards Cadet Crystal, who missed it entirely.

"CADET CRYSTAL, LOOK BEHIND YOU!"

Loser had slunk around the edge of the field and was now a few metres behind Cadet Crystal.

"Wow, what a strategist!" Cadet Crystal exclaimed, doubling back in a rush of sparkle. "But he forgot about my fur."

Loser shrieked as Cadet Crystal's sparkling fur reflected sunlight into his delicate eyes. Unfortunately, he had chosen not to wear his nerd glasses that day, and the light temporarily blinded him. Cadet Crystal's paws hooked around the ball and flung it back towards Liar's goal area.

 _They used to think I was silly_

 _(Ha ha ha ha)_

 _Until I popped up on the TV_

 _(La la la la)_

"Now I know you're not worthless and fair!" cried Box. "I will give you some cake."

"Just concentrate on the ball… Um… I mean the 'Prophecy'."

 _I always wanted to be a superstar_

 _(Ha ha ha ha)_

 _And knew that singing songs would get me this far_

 _(La la la la)_

 _…_

Back in the studio, Lilypaw was again suffering from a severe bout of Obxonious Obvious Gaping Disease as she witnessed sweet Cadet Crystal fight dirty.

"Cadet Crystal is a liar!" she growled, even though she knew Dapplekit was holding Cadet Crystal's family hostage.

 _But I ain't complaining_

 _We all wanna be famous_

 _So go ahead and say_

 _What you wanna say_

 _…_

Sex God had moved too close to Cadet Crystal, who somehow managed to get the 'Prophecy' past the invincible cat. Cadet Crystal screamed in delight as E tossed a bomb accurately at Sex God. Slime exploded all over 'Humanity's Greatest Soldier' and he slipped. The ball escaped his outstretched paws, and Box used amazing skills, kicking the ball backwards in a somersault. The ball flew into Liar's goal area, Where Sparkstorm desperately tried to deflect it with a cinnamon bun.

Sparkstorm was given a yellow card by Rowanclaw while the ball flew into the net. Liar shrieked in anger and collapsed.

 _'Cause see when I was younger_

 _I would say..._

The crowd clapped and chanted Box's fake name while Sparkstorm attempted to throw a cinnamon bun laced with arsenic at E.

"Haha! Guess I'm better than youuuuuuuu, Sparky! Your cinnamon buns are useless," cried E, as the cinnamon bun seemed to deflect into the crowd, where a hungry she-cat ate the bun.

"Man, I really shouldn't eat Sparkstorm's poisonous food," laughed Ferncloud, and died.

E giggled and threw a bomb at Loser. He was covered in glitter, which newly terrified him as much as Cadet Crystal's fur.

Lilypaw shouted over the intercom, "THIS GAME WILL BE THE BEST OF THREE. WHOEVER GETS TWO GOALS FIRST WILL WIN! WE HAVE THE CURRENT SCORE OF 1-0 TO EPIC BOSSES!"

"Let's win this one, Cadet Crystal," hissed Box, with him and Cadet Crystal hiding behind their barriers as E and Sparkstorm shot up the arena-I mean… field. For no reason. "We can save your family and give you cake."

"Mr Rowanclaw, get ready to batter up for the second set!"

Rowanclaw nodded and kissed Tawnypelt full-on before picking up his bat. She licked her lips, excited for the next 'batter'. The referee targeted the ball flying towards his face, which he whacked with precision into the Yee Field.

Instead of teleporting to the ball again, Box ran forward with Cadet Crystal. All of a sudden, a rumble sounded beneath the blue-eyed she-cat's paws and she fell into a pitfall trap, screaming.

Box looked slowly at the ball and at Sex God racing forward with Loser.

"Let them come. Both wings so far away and so is Loser. They won't have any defense for Liar again. We have to trust Gun Lady to kick the ball to you. Then we can boot it Liar's goal."

"Cake."

"I really hope you understood me, damn it," snapped Cadet Crystal.

Sparkstorm flung an accurate bomb at Box, who teleported out of range. Cadet Crystal, still stuck in the pit, got a full blast of shaving cream all over her fur.

"I can't blind them now!" she wailed.

"I'm all you need to violently beat both of them."

Box pulled Cadet Crystal out of the pit as Gun Lady screamed, "This is so boring! I get no action! 74 are taking forever to get here!"

It really did seem like they were running in slow motion to be cool.

She pulled out a new Makarov from her portable Meep Machine to shoot Firestar, then remembered he was 'safe' in the studio 'for now'. Gun Lady tucked away the Makarov and muttered, "Next time."

"They could have scored by now," laughed Cadet Crystal, "But they're too concerned with looking good."

Cadet Crystal and Box withdrew behind their barriers while E tried taking down Team 74's wingers. A cry from Loser announced a strike by E. Sparkstorm fired at Box's barrier, but couldn't get the angle right and kept hitting the wood.

"WHY IN THE NAME OF CINNAMON BUNS IS THIS SO HARD?!" Sparkstorm screamed, throwing bombs at random.

In her fury, she chucked a bomb at Loser, who was getting all the attention he didn't really want. It exploded at Loser's feet and wet cement flowed out. It hardened instantly, and Loser wailed for Sex God.

However, Sex God was getting ready to power the ball into Gun Lady's goal. His strong back paw drew back for the fatal blow.

"MAKE SURE YOU STOP IT AT ALL COSTS, GUN LADY!" screamed Cadet Crystal.

Gun Lady nodded evilly, and, as Sex God delivered his amazing kick, the ball flying in slow-motion towards the goal while everyone else moved at normal speeds, pulled out her Makarov.

"I made a few tweaks!" she squealed, pulling the trigger.

A Birchkit flew out of the gun at a monstrous speed, colliding with the ball. The clone died upon impact.

"I forgot I had a tendency to die all the time," he laughed, and died.

"DUEL OR DIE!" Dapplekit had stolen the intercom and was speaking Attack on Titan. "EREN!"

Suddenly, the crowd turned into Mikasa Ackermans.

"Eren…"

"Eren!"

"EREN!"

" _Eren_."

"GIVE EREN BACK!"

"NO ONE TAKES EREN AWAY FROM ME!"

"SHUT UP, MIKASAS!" screamed Lilypaw, trying to turn up the volume of "When I Grow Up".

Back on the Yee Field, Gun Lady was rapidly firing Birchkits at the slow but powerful ball approaching her goal.

"I'm slowing it down so I can kick it away easily when it gets too close. Yay."

The ball finally got close enough for Gun Lady to kick it to Box who had backed up to Liar's goal. The ball finally picked up speed as Sex God turned in slow motion to try and run after it. Cadet Crystal raced to stand in front of him and blind him, the shaving cream on her fur rubbed off. Either way, Sex God slipped in a puddle-of-slime trap.

Box caught the ball between his paws. Sparkstorm fired a bomb at Cadet Crystal to stop her mesmerizing Sex God, but it was too late. She then focused on the cat she should have focused on first.

"I SUMMON THE CURSE OF THE CINNAMON BUN-" she began, but Box grunted and kicked the ball successfully into Liar's goal.

Lilypaw screamed into the intercom. "WE HAVE OUR WINNERS, TEAM EPIC BOSSES!"

Cadet Crystal giggled at the reader. "You thought they'd have a movie cliché of 'Oh, only 10 seconds on the clock or 'Oh, each team has an even amount of goals and someone has to get the final one to win'. Disa isn't that normal! Haha!"

Gun Lady destroyed her Birchkit-shooting Makarov and used her portable Meep Machine to create a shrew, which she stuffed into her face. "I am so awesome! I won all by myself!"

Then Box appeared behind her and stuffed Gun Lady into a box full of red velvet goodness. Cadet Crystal cheered.

"Can we have our names back?" asked Loser.

"When Cadet Crystal sees her family again, you will regain your true names," growled Dapplekit, who had come down to the Yee Field. "Bring in ThunderClan!"

Among the crowd, who were throwing around bombs and confetti, a mysterious pair of cats left the commotion. The black and black-not-so-black cats walked forward with a kit strapped to the black cat.

"Meepkit!" screamed Cadet Crystal.

"Hahaha. Those two owed me so I told them to kidnap Cadet Crystal's half-sister! I really love hurting little cats!" cackled Lilypaw.

"I thought you were rational, lil' one," squealed Firestar. "I guess we're all insane!"

"You're ShadowClan through and through," muttered Loser.

Lilypaw exited the studio and approached the Yee Field. "Release the hostage! Moose tranquilisers are no longer required."

The black and black-not-so-black cats gently handed Cadet Crystal ze Meepkit, who slept heavily.

"TAKE THAT, YOU MONSTERS!" yowled Cadet Crystal, kicking both cats in the stomach. "I'm free!"

As they lay winded, she raced up to Lilypaw and kicked the evil apprentice's face in and whispered, "Big sister really wishes she could swear and beat these cats, but big sister will be careful."

"You," gasped Lilypaw. "Will get… your names… back… as of now."

Snowcrystal squealed in delight, then slapped Lilypaw in the face. Bluefoot and Leafsky cheered. Then some acid rain started pouring even without a volcanic eruption occurring nearby.

Cody stuffed everyone in a Lionblaze-proof box, but not before Snowcrystal did a runner, escaping into a nearby forest.

"I guess our forced competitor is gone." Dapplekit frowned as Firestar hugged her.

"Oh my StarClan, who the hell cares?" he snapped.

" Forget Snowcrystal. We need to accommodate the two new members of the Shadowleaf Series now. Sparkstorm and E have stuff to do." Lilypaw's voice was muffled through her box.

"Cody, I want you to teleport each boxed cat to its safe home. E, I want you to stop this StarClan forsaken rain with your 'real life hacking'. Sparkstorm, I want you to actually be useful and go on dial duty. Everyone else, smile for Camera 3."

Lilypaw quickly ran to the elevator podium, risking melting to continue her show. 57 seconds later, she was in the studio, with the crew on the Yee Field smiling awkwardly.

"How much longer?"

"The souls of my teeth want to escape."

"It feels like my gritted distorted teeth are about to shatter."

Shadowleaf did a little happy dance. "Do I get to keep this totally authentic cloak?"

Lilypaw pushed Firestar and Dapplekit to the presenters' stage. "There you have it, readers. Shadowleaf's incredibly long Ayy C- YEE COMPETITION. I'm Lilypaw, this womaniser is Firestar, and that terrifying kit is the kit of Dapple. We hope you immensely disliked Episode 2B."

"Until next time-," began Firestar, but Dapplekit interjected.

"STOP WATCHING OUR SHOW!"

Everyone nodded enthusiastically, and the studio went black.

"Where'd the 2000s music go?" growled Lilypaw.

*Note at the end of this episode from dreaded The One that Disappeared/Zixes

I have changed my name on FanFiction from The One that Disappeared to Zixes. I also support and love Mikasa Ackerman from Attack on Titan, but she says 'Eren' way too often. I love Jean Kirstein with his free stallion spirit.


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